


are you a pole or a hula hoop? (i’m a rainbow)

by strawberrykihyun



Series: nct university au [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexuality Crisis, Soft Lee Taeyong, cause he’s soft, find you a friendship like taeyong and yuta, same with johnny and ten, taeil is mentioned - Freeform, taeyong cries, yuwin if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-04-24 07:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14350659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrykihyun/pseuds/strawberrykihyun
Summary: taeyong chokes, literally chokes, and this time it's a oh-my-god-why-are-you-so-straightforward-it's-giving-me-problems choke. or it could also be a wow-your-analogies-make-me-fall-in-love-with-you-more choke. either way, he chokes.orfuck you jung jaehyun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is my first work and it had to be jaeyong because i love jaeyong

_sometimes_ , taeyong thinks, _falling in love in inevitable_.

although he doesn't want to, it's not like he gets the choice to choose. his heart has a mind of its own, and taeyong is in no position to control what said vital organ wants.

doesn't stop him front wanting to though.

if he had the power to decide who he's gonna fall in love with, he'd choose anyone but his best friend. because in this reality, he ends up pinning his childhood best friend (jung jaehyun) and let him tell you, it's not pleasant.

lately, taeyong has been finding himself getting immersed into every single tiny thing jaehyun does and god if it isn't annoying he doesn't know what is.

it was one thing when taeyong knew he was crushing on jaehyun, but it was a whole other when he couldn't justify his sudden clinginess without getting exposed. because taeyong was closeted. and no one knew.

he fell under the category of the stereotypical college student who heads out on friday nights to get laid, sometimes even sunday nights, only to attend class the next monday morning with a killer hangover. but he wasn't like that. because he didn't have an interest in girls. to be honest, his social life was pretty boring.

when it was one thing to be closeted and in love with jung jaehyun, it was another when he didn't stand a chance with jaehyun at all. jaehyun doesn't swerve the way taeyong does. jaehyun is as straight as a pole. he's had multiple girlfriends over the course of their friendship, which was essentially jaehyun's whole life. taeyong has seen how jaehyun treats his girlfriends, and hates himself for loathing the usually sweet girls he gets introduced to as _jaehyun's best friend_ at some point. taeyong knows where he stands. but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

"ty."

now there are fingers snapping themselves in front of taeyong's face and they are not jaehyun's. taeyong knows because jaehyun's fingers are slightly calloused at the tips because he plays guitar occasionally, and this hand seems to have smooth finger tips and is overall bigger than jaehyun's. jaehyun's hands were small but still uncharacteristically larger than his own which—

"hyung."

and now there are different fingers in front of taeyong's face, and since they look so different, taeyong finds himself blinking out of whatever daydream— afternoon dream— he was stuck in.

"hm?"

yuta and sicheng are sitting across the table from him, their shoulders are touching.

yuta is taeyong's friend, they met in high school five years ago. he transferred from japan and since then they've been connected by the hip. they've been through thick and thin in those five years, and yuta deems himself to know taeyong as well as jaehyun does.

sicheng on the other hand, taeyong didn't know him until this year. sicheng moved here from china, and was jaehyun's roommate. one day yuta and taeyong were headed to pick up jaehyun to catch a movie, and that was the day they met sicheng. yuta was ogling the younger foreign boy with no shame, and it basically took off from there.

and now taeyong finds himself sitting with yuta and sicheng for the better part of every lunch since jaehyun is on the basketball team, which practices at this hour.

right.

jaehyun was on the basketball team. did taeyong tell you about how that's another thing he admires about jaehyun? how passionately he takes his interests, how good he looks while playing on the court... how it attracts the attention of potentially every single female who's there to watch the game? it's times like those that taeyong doesn't like how he gets jealous over something as small as hundreds of girls ogling the love of his life.

okay, maybe it wasn't that small.

but it irked taeyong either way.

"oh! look, jaehyun's coming in early." yuta says, clearly surprised, so is sicheng, and so is taeyong. taeyong is used to spending most of his lunches without jaehyun, so when he is present during this time, it raised a fair bit of curiosity.

yuta and sicheng's eyes and focused behind him, which leads taeyong to believe that jaehyun is coming up from behind him. he turns around, just to see, and is utterly mortified to see jung jaehyun walking towards their table, completely sweaty with tousled hair. once again, taeyong hates how he pays too much attention to his appearance. he should be used to it by now, it's his best friend, who he's always seen play sports and sweat. nothing special, right? wrong. because this particular time, taeyong chokes. and not the oh-wow-i'm-awestruck-by-your-appearance-choke-on-thin-air kind of choke, but the why-are-you-so-disrespectful-i-choked-on-my-sandwich kind of choke.

now taeyong is violently coughing, he sees the way jaehyun's eyebrows furrow in concern for a split second before he's turning back around, aggressively struggling to get air into his lungs and food down his throat while sicheng and yuta look at him with equal amounts of concern.

sicheng hands him in a water bottle, taeyong is grateful, and soon the food isn't lodged in his throat anymore.

"you okay?" the chinese male asks, and taeyong is nodding even if he's dying on the inside because his heart in palpitating a thousand times too fast.

"just choked." he answers, clearing his throat and willing his cheeks to _calm the fuck down_ because he didn't need rosy red apples right now.

"yeah, we know," yuta scoffs, letting his eyes land a little bit to the left of taeyong, where jaehyun seats himself. taeyong doesn't even have to look to know it's jaehyun. besides the fact that yuta has explicitly said he was coming and that he felt jaehyun sit down next to him, taeyong identifies the scent wafting from his left side as _jaehyun_. because jaehyun has been loyal to using this one particular brand of old spice cologne, which he always sprays on either after practice or a match, or just when he sweats in general. taeyong is so used to that smell, it's all over jaehyun's clothes, all over his bedsheets, and all over everything he owns basically. the musk is so strong, especially when it's freshly sprayed on.

"hey gang," jaehyun's signature deep voice greets, and taeyong doesn't even need to look at jaehyun to know he's smiling a dimply smile. he can hear it in his voice. because the way jaehyun's lips stretch when he's smiling affects the way his voice comes out and—

yeah.

taeyong's too far gone.

 

:

 

it's 2:38 am and yuta is concerned.

normally he isn't, believe him. but today is different.

normally, at 2:38 in the morning, yuta is sound asleep, dreaming about sicheng and future date locations. or maybe he's texting sicheng, flirting while his eyes droop. he can always tell if sicheng is tired too from his typing, because it seems to become messy and completely illegible. or maybe yuta is on a phone call with sicheng, because the younger boy couldn't fall asleep and needs yuta singing him off heaven. bottom line is that yuta does a lot of things at 2:38 in the morning.

one thing he doesn't do very often however, is flip his entire dorm upside down while trying to look his tiny roommate.

if taeyong was here he'd tell you that he wasn't tiny, but he's _not_ and that's the problem.

normally, if yuta were to ever wake up at 2:38 am for some ungodly reason, it would probably be because taeyong was moving around too much in his sleep, or that he went to get a glass of water, or late night snack. surprisingly enough though, the japanese boy woke up on his own. he was parched, his plan was to get water, but it was eerily quiet, and he found that hella unsettling. he turned to look at the bed beside him, which normally contains a sleeping lee taeyong, but much to his shock, the bed was made and empty.

yuta remembers taeyong telling him that he would catch dinner with jaehyun, and that he shouldn't wait up.

so he didn't.

but taeyong told him this about eight hours ago, and now he's panicking because, _where is lee taeyong?_

he's tried calling him, taeyong didn't answer. he texted him thirty minutes ago but still didn't get an answer.

yuta was tempted to call some of their other friends to ask if they knew where the hell taeyong disappeared off to, but he remembers that it's 2:40 in the morning and he can't really do that.

defeated, yuta grabs his phone and dials jaehyun's number, because he knows that at least jaehyun won't mind being woken up for this. besides, isn't he the one who saw taeyong last?

yuta waits while holding his phone in front of him on speaker mode, anxiously bouncing his knee up and down because this is lee taeyong, the person who helped yuta fit in during high school and made sure he wasn't an emo kid who sulked alone at break. this is lee taeyong, a person nakamoto yuta is really grateful for so if jaehyun  doesn't even know where the boy is he doesn't know what he'd do—

"hello?"

"jaehyun!" yuta nothing less of screeches at 2:45 in the morning, causing jaehyun to pull the phone away from his ear because he wasn't planning on purchasing a hearing aid anytime soon. "is taeyong with you?"

maybe it was because he was just woken up from his slumber, but jaehyun swore yuta has just asked him if he knew where taeyong was. that shouldn't even be a question, yuta lives with taeyong, but once he's more awake he understands that yes, he's been asked if he knew where taeyong was. but that means...

jaehyun's sleepy mind takes a few more minutes to function before comprehending that yuta called him at 2:45 in the morning because he doesn't know where taeyong is and he expects jaehyun to know but jaehyun doesn't know and expects yuta to know but yuta doesn't know— so where is taeyong?

"holy shit!" jaehyun simply exclaims, grimacing a bit after because he should've payed mind to how sicheng was sleeping right across the room. he hangs up right after his outburst, which leaves yuta pissed off, no doubt, but jaehyun couldn't care about that because he's hurriedly putting on his shoes and grabbing his keys and pocketing his phone, and then he's out the door, clad in his blue pyjamas.

he already has a slight idea as towards where taeyong is, there are only so many places students have access to during these hours that are on campus.

in no less than five minutes, jaehyun is at his desired destination, the dance studio near the east wing. he's panting, he's sweaty, and he wishes he brought his old spice with him, but he pushes open the studio doors nonetheless, feeling the vibrations of loud, _loud_ music with each step he takes.

he notices that the song playing is one of taeyong's all time personal favourites, which only confirms that fact that yes, lee taeyong was at the dance studio at 2:52 am.

he quickly shoots yuta a text telling him not to worry because he with taeyong, because he knows that the japanese boy is probably shitting himself because he was so worried. he pockets his phone again and just as he's about to open the door to the practice room all the way, he pauses after the door was only open enough to fit his head through.

he didn't know what took over him, but he just didn't move from his position, watching taeyong dance fiercely at such an ungodly hour. the way the elder's limbs flew and swayed gracefully was like a trance for jaehyun, but he shouldn't be surprised. taeyong was always stunning when he was dancing. he's taken note of that fact along the years he's known the elder, dancing has always been his passion.

where basketball was taken seriously to jaehyun, dancing was taken just as seriously, maybe even more, to taeyong.

taeyong doesn't notice jaehyun standing at the door, and jaehyun doesn't notice that he's staring. it's only when taeyong lands the wrong way after spinning and falls to the ground with a thud does jaehyun seem to regain his ability to do anything.

he's immediately opening the door all the way and rushing up to taeyong, who squeaks once he feels someone else's hands on him. normally, he’d be petrified because who's hands are on him at 3:03 in the god damn morning, but he feels the callouses on the fingers tips which are on his arms and _oh_ ,

_it's just jaehyun_.

"are you alright? that looked nasty," jaehyun asks, giving taeyong a once over. the elder can feel heat rise to his cheeks but it was easy to say that it was just because of how hard and passionately he was dancing. and totally not because his skin burns wherever jaehyun touched him and totally not because jaehyun's soft chocolate eyes are looking at him with a lot of concern, and _wow_. taeyong's so far gone.

"what're you doing here?" taeyong asks, disregarding the question asked by the younger. jaehyun should be in his room, sleeping. not in the dance studio.

"i should be asking you that. what are you doing here?" taeyong's blushing again (god damnit), because he can't really answer jaehyun's question. if he were to give a reply, it would be along the lines of ' _sorry, i was drowning in my infatuation and love for you and needed to get my mind off things_ '. and then he'd see jaehyun's panicked face, because jaehyun is fucking straight, heterosexual, which would lead taeyong to add in a lame ' _no homo_ '. when in reality, he means all the homo.

"needed to clear my mind," taeyong mumbles, turning his face away from jaehyun. "why are you here?" he asks again.

"yuta was about to bawl," jaehyun chuckles. "he woke up and couldn't find you. you traumatized him."

taeyong cracks a smile at that, _silly yuta_ , he thinks.

"yuta's stupid," he simply mumbles, now having caught all his breath. he was tracing patterns into the light brown panelled floor, stopping once he realized _what the fuck he was doing_ when jaehyun is literally half a meter away from him.

he was writing jaehyun's name with hearts all around it. he swipes his hands across the invisible penmanship, as if it would actually erase anything, there was nothing there to begin with.

"you're stupid."

the words are lighthearted, good natured, but taeyong still whips his head around to jaehyun, who's standing back up on his feet and offering a hand to taeyong. he accepts the hand and opens his mouth to ask jaehyun why he was just insulted, but before he could, the younger boy speaks. "it's so late hyung, go back to bed."

and there it is again. the violent palpitations of lee taeyong's heart because jung jaehyun just has a way with words and _oh god_ , taeyong would do anything to not feel what he was feeling towards his best, hetero, friend.

 

:

 

sometimes it gets too much.

sometimes, burdens do pile up to high on your chest and clog you nose and air pipes and you can't breathe when that happens.

in those times, he's lucky that yuta knows exactly where to find him, that sicheng knows he should keep him company because _don't leave me alone_.

blessed friends, taeyong has. truly.

one day, sicheng finds taeyong sitting in the hall with his back against the door to his shared dorm with yuta. sicheng originally came here for yuta, obviously, but it's not unpleasant to see taeyong.

what is unpleasant however, is how taeyong has his face in his hands and he's weeping— sicheng can hear it.

"taeyong hyung?" the chinese man's voice is enough to make taeyong pull his face up and look at sicheng. the younger takes this moment to quite thoroughly observe taeyong's face (it's a mess).

there are tears stuck on his eyelashes, his cheeks are red, his eyes are puffy and his hair is tousled. sicheng can only assume it's from how many times taeyong has pulled it.

"s-sicheng!" taeyong exclaims quickly, wiping his eyes, trying to pretend that _no_ , he was not just crying. he puts a smile on his face and sniffles. "y-yuta's not home yet."

"forget about yuta," sicheng frowns, walking to taeyong. "what about you?"

taeyong doesn't say anything, instead he stands up, brushing whatever imaginary dirt there was on his clothes and straightens his back. he's smiling again, sicheng knows it's forced.

"i need to tell you something," taeyong mumbles, chuckling sadly once he realizes how stupid he was for not even considering that he could tell sicheng and yuta, that those two above everyone wouldn't judge him. he doesn't know why he burdened himself with keeping everything bottled up when he had sicheng and yuta right there. but there was no use in regretting everything, he just had to get it off his chest at this point, he honestly couldn't care to who.

it was eating him alive, tugging at his conscience because everyone expects something else from him, everyone expects lee taeyong with a different girl on his arm every time they see him, and taeyong can't even begin to break down how incorrect that fantasy is. 

he's tired of this, tired of the stereotypes. he wants everyone to know that he doesn't like girls, that they should stop slipping him their numbers and stop asking if he wants to get laid because he doesn't.

he wants everyone to know but at the same time he doesn't. he doesn't because the world is a cruel place and he isn't sure how accepting they'll be, but if he's being completely honest, it's killing him and at this point, he couldn't care less. so what? so what, lee taeyong, school's prettiest boy comes out saying he likes boys. what's wrong with that? exactly. nothing. nothing at all.

actually that was a lie, a lot of things could go wrong, but taeyong won't think about those things for now. for now, he'll take a deep breath and then spill his deepest darkest secret.

but of course,

"we have to wait for yuta."

"should we wait inside?" sicheng asks, and taeyong blushes, because _wow_ , today just isn't his day.

"i forgot them inside and yuta was the last one to leave. stop sicheng, don't laugh at me!"

when yuta returns, the heavy atmosphere does too. the japanese boy is completely oblivious to the tension, since he simply strides to the kitchen and asks the both of them what they want to eat.

but taeyong couldn't think about what he wanted to eat.

truthfully, he couldn't think of anything. all he wanted to do was let himself breathe, let himself expose himself. so he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes and before he knows it, he's screeching at the top of his lungs—

"I LIKE BOYS!"

yuta freezes halfway from getting crackers down from the cabinet, sicheng simply has his open wide open from where he's seated on a barstool, and if things couldn't get worse than him just exposing himself, he hears the front door shut, _but when was it even open?_

taeyong's eyes are on yuta as he watches the japanese male's eyes go as wide as saucers before he's sputtering out nonsensical words that take taeyong a long time to understand.

"ah- oh my god! j-jaehyun!"

and in that moment, taeyong's heart drops, his face pales, his hands stands to shake and he refuses to turn around because _what the fuck_ he wasn't ready to tell jaehyun, that's why he told yuta and sicheng, but jaehyun heard _oh god_ —

he was panicking and he didn't know what to do. his face started to feel way too hot, his skin was burning all over and his breathing was coming out laboured, _fuck_ , if he could just disappear right now that'd be great.

he still doesn't turn around and he's looking at the ground because he's petrified to turn around and look at jaehyun.

oh jaehyun.

sweet, sweet jung _hetero_ jaehyun.

"taeyong hyung?" his deep voice calls out, and there's not a trace of disgust or anything negative in his voice, but taeyong's thoughts were messing with his mind and the only thing he could think of was how jaehyun's probably going to feel awkward around him now. how jaehyun won't want to hang around him now.

taeyong assumes that jaehyun did something, because soon, yuta and sicheng are blasting out of the dorm, the former sending taeyong an apologetic look before slamming the door shut.

great.

now that leaves jaehyun and taeyong alone.

"taeyong hyung." jaehyun calls again, and this time taeyong has no choice but to turn around. but if he's honest with you, he'd rather stare at the ground for hours instead of having this conversation he wasn't prepared for with jaehyun. his cheeks are on fire, he's honestly expecting the worst. he hears footsteps behind him, they're becoming louder, which indicates that jaehyun is coming closer. soon enough, jaehyun's face is in front of taeyong's and the latter can't help but close his eyes because _he's not ready_ to see how jaehyun took his outburst. he's not ready.

"how long?" was the only, simple, question jaehyun asks, and no matter how hard taeyong tries to keep his mouth shut because he's terrified, something inside him doesn't let him keep quiet. no matter how hard taeyong begged himself to keep his eyes closed, they opened on their own accord because once again, this is jung jaehyun. and even if taeyong's mind wants to shut jaehyun out of this moment entirely, his body won't let him.

"two years." he answers jaehyun's question, opening his eyes and flinching when he takes in the expression on the younger's face. not because it was something negative, but because jaehyun looked so supportive and so proud, and _fuck_ taeyong because he didn't know how to react to jaehyun taking this all so well. he wasn't prepared for this.

"i like boys." he says again, this time telling jaehyun because he feels that since he was taking it so well, he deserves to be told the truth properly.

jaehyun smiles.

"thank you for telling me."

 

:

 

parties are horrible.

you can't change taeyong's mind on this one.

parties are where the worst nights of your life can take place, everything can simply be flushed down the drain with the aid of a sole snapchat story.

parties also scared taeyong. quite a lot may i add. the alcohol, the intoxication, the slurs and loud music were overwhelming for taeyong, which is why he's staying home instead of joining jaehyun, yuta, sicheng, all their friends, at a house party.

he's fine with that too, parties really weren't his thing and all his friends understand that. thankfully.

but that meant something.

it meant he was always the liable friend. he was the one that gets called to pick his friend up, since they're all drunk of their asses, and haul them back home, not leaving until they're tucked in and asleep because _wow_ , lee taeyong is completely whipped for his friends.

he always knew he'd be that friend once college started, the friend that the group went to when they needed to be taken care of, and he's not complaining, so it's okay.

"hey ty!" youngho's obnoxious, loud, voice yells through the phone, and taeyong grimaces before humming into the speaker, already getting up from his bed.

"yes youngho?" taeyong sighs into the speaker, cringing outwardly at the loud blaring music he can hear. it makes his eardrums burst and he's at least thirty miles away from the house party. "do i need to haul your ass back home and read you bed time story?" he teases.

youngho laughs on the other end of the line, it comes out loud like everything else that is him, before he speaks.

"i'm not drunk yet, but this bastard doesn't want anyone but you at the moment."

taeyong's confused, his eyebrows visibly furrow and he's trying to decipher what youngho could mean. who was the bastard and who was demanding his attention? it could honestly be any of their friends, they were all unpredictable when they were drunk off their wits. but the name that youngho says catches taeyong off guard, and suddenly he's blushing and taking the words youngho previously said out of context, and _fuck_ , in moments like these, taeyong really, really hates himself.

"jaehyun won't take a ride home from anyone else."

it's not something unusual, for taeyong to pick up jaehyun. but what is unusual is jaehyun declining other people who offer. normally when taeyong is called, it's because everyone else that jaehyun would dare get into a car with was drunk, so he calls taeyong. but youngho explicitly just said that he wasn't drunk, he was sober if anything, but then why didn't jaehyun accept the ride home?

"b-but you're there-" and now taeyong's stuttering because he wants a good reason for why jaehyun just won't accept youngho's kind gesture and ride home with him, he doesn't understand why jaehyun is putting him through so much.

"i know," youngho cuts his sentence, chuckling. youngho has the audacity to chuckle and taeyong wants to rip his tongue out next he sees him, but the next sentence that the boy on the other end of the line says makes taeyong lose his breath, and _oh my god, is this happening?_ "but he wants you."

once again, taeyong takes the words out of context.

once again, he hates himself for it.

and once again, he's buckling up and driving to the address youngho texted to him because, he's so, _so_ far gone.

once he's in the driveway, he doesn't bother parking properly before he's unbuckling his seatbelt and rushing to the entrance. he sees a few familiar faces, some of them are surprised to see taeyong here but they greet him nonetheless. not wanting to seem rude despite the circumstance, taeyong simply waves back and greets them a hello before finding one of his friends, _someone_ who knew where jaehyun's drunk ass was.

he locates ten, bless ten's soul for actually giving taeyong some helpful information, unlike taeil who simply shrugged then proceeded to attack youngho's face. and well, youngho was too preoccupied to answer taeyong's question.

ten said that jaehyun should be upstairs, that he went to play some game with a group of guys not that long ago.

so taeyong goes upstairs, and he's nervous because ten didn't specify which room jaehyun would be in, so he could very much walk into a couple about to get frisky or a scene he didn't want to witness.

he holds his breath, hopes for the best and open the first door on the left, praying to god that whatever he sees isn't so obscene that he has to wash his eyes out with sterilization.

luck isn't on his side because once he opens the door, he sees two boys on the bed, one clearly larger than the other, pining the smaller down and let's just say taeyong didn't stare any longer to get any more detail other than that.

however, just as he was about to close the door, he spots a white shirt on the floor near his feet, obviously belonging to one of the stripped boys.

it wouldn't have caught his attention, it wouldn't have been anything special, and taeyong doesn't know why he's bothering to bend down and pick up the shirt when he hears the couple kissing and he honestly doesn't want to listen to that but he seems drawn to the shirt and before he knows what he's doing, he has the shirt up to his nose, he freaking sniffs it like some dog, only to drop with it his blood turning as cold as ice.

that's not any white shirt. that's jung jaehyun's white shirt.

anyone could use old spice cologne, any fucking one, but no one uses the brand that jaehyun does, taeyong knows because he's so used to it and knows the smell so well, he can identify it anywhere, that one brand, that one scent, that one smell... belongs to jung jaehyun.

he doesn't have time to tell himself not to, because his eyes suddenly find their way back to the two people who are making out on the bed, and taeyong doesn't know if he's mad or sad because that's jaehyun's stature.

he couldn't get that wrong either, he knows jaehyun, inside out, there isn't a single thing that he didn't know.

except maybe for the fact that he liked boys. or liked them enough to make out with them half naked on a bed.

he slams the door shut, not caring how loud it was and begs himself not to shed a tear as he brushed past everyone and heads back into his car.

he doesn't buckle up his seatbelt, he just sits there, thinking about how his heart fell apart in less than twenty minutes.

it almost seems like a well sought out plan, like he was supposed to walk in on jaehyun and that other boy. it was like jaehyun wanted taeyong to see, that's why he asked taeyong to come, like that's why he didn't accept youngho's ride home.

god, it's horrible, and it probably isn't true, and jaehyun's probably had twenty too many drinks and wasn't even in his right state of mind, but taeyong saw it.

under any context it would've broke his heart, under any context he'd still be asking himself how this all happened.

under any context, taeyong knew he'd get hurt. he just wasn't prepared for it to be soon.

 

:

 

"jesus fucking christ what's wrong with your face?" yuta gasps, taking in how ugly taeyong looked (for once). taeyong assumes sicheng and the japanese boy came back while he was gone.

sicheng notices too, he keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water because he didn't know how to say what he wanted. but they both did indeed notice how taeyong's face was red, his face was wet, his hair was messy and to put it short, he looked like how sicheng found him before he came out as liking guys. only, a hundred times words.

taeyong lets a pitiful sob crawl its way out his throat, closing his eyes and putting his hands over them because, _god fucking damnit jaehyun_.

"f-fuck off yuta," he nothing less of _whimpers_ , wedging his way between the two other boys. he just sits here, leaning on sicheng's shoulder and cries, because it just _hurt so much_.

sure, jaehyun didn't even know that he was crushing hard on him, and sure, taeyong still didn't know why jaehyun requested him to come pick him up in the first place, nor did he even know what was up with jaehyun right now, but _fuck it all_ because taeyong was in pain, and for once, he's going to think about himself before thinking about jaehyun.

yuta and sicheng were so worried, it was written clearly on their faces, but taeyong didn't seem capable of doing anything other than crying, and the other two weren't about to pry.

for that, taeyong is grateful.

the next morning, his phone is flooded.

he's asleep in his room, he makes a mental ore to thank yuta later.

although he doesn't want to, he grabs his phone, checking his text messages first.

 

[from **youngho** ] **10:28 pm**         

      _jaehyun's still here you didn't pick him up?_

[from **youngho** ] **11:45 pm**

      _now i'm just worried about u you home alright ty?_

[from **tenten** ] **11:56 pm**

      _youngho told me you left w/o jaehyun_

_i couldn't care about that but you're okay and safe, right?_

 

he had plenty of other texts he wasn't in the mood to check, so instead he goes to his flooded missed calls. some of the later ones are from youngho and ten, but the more recent ones are the ones that catch his attention.

[ **38** missed calls from **jaehyun-ah <3**]

taeyong feels his throat parch for no apparent reason, and his thumb is hovering over the call sign. it takes him a few moments, but he decides against calling jaehyun, letting himself crawl back under the sheets.

thank god it was a saturday.

 

:

 

"um."

"i know he's inside."

"you're wrong actually."

"yuta there's no other place for him to be. let me in please."

"he said he wanted to be alone," yuta mumbles, not knowing if he should sell his friend out like this or not. taeyong didn't say if he wanted to speak to jaehyun or not, but considering how they're best friends, it shouldn't be a problem if yuta lets jaehyun in, right?

right.

"fine, come in."

"thank you," jaehyun breathes, taking off his shoes and immediately heading to taeyong.

last night was a haze for jaehyun. all he remembers is asking youngho to ask taeyong if he could come get him, because he was already way too drunk and tired. he sauntered off after that, but doesn't remember much after having bumped into a cute boy that looked like a bunny. he doesn't even remember the name of that person. donghyuck? dongyoung? donyang? he can't remember, everything from last night is really fuzzy.

the door to yuta and taeyong's room is already halfway open, so jaehyun pops his head in to see if taeyong was awake or not.

to his relief, or maybe stress, he was awake.

jaehyun doesn't know what happened to taeyong last night because he woke up in the house that the party was held in. that must mean taeyong hadn't picked him up, obviously, but it left jaehyun awfully worried because taeyong for sure got the memo.

he tried calling in the morning, but taeyong didn't answer his phone, leaving jaehyun to worry even more. he didn't know what went down last night and he didn't know if he did anything questionable. the consequences of drinking.

but seeing taeyong here, laying in bed made a sense of relief wash over him, because at least his best friend was safe and out of harms way.

jaehyun doesn't realize how long he's just standing there, because honestly he's just enticed with his calm taeyong looks at the moment, but then taeyong sneezes, and jaehyun, being the man he is, can't help but say 'bless you'.

"bless you."

the statement catches taeyong off guard, he visibly jumps and then shrieks, because that wasn't yuta's voice and who else could be in their dorm? however, when his eyes land on jaehyun, he completely freezes.

he doesn't know what to feel, he doesn't know what he should feel. angry, hurt, sad? all of the above? taeyong stays emotionless as jaehyun's eyes widen, realizing that he just gave himself away.

he clears his throat and now he's walking into the room and closing the door behind him so there are no interruptions, and taeyong's breath catches in his throat because _what the fuck jaehyun_?

"so you got home safely," jaehyun points out, and taeyong doesn't say anything, doesn't nod, doesn't even move and jaehyun feels the atmosphere around them continue to grow awkward.

honestly, what was taeyong supposed to say? that he saw jaehyun making out with a boy when he convinced the whole campus he was straight? yeah, probably not the best approach.

"why didn't you answer my calls? were you asleep?"

oh.

so jaehyun doesn't remember his gay awakening.

not trusting his voice, taeyong simply nods at jaehyun's question, clearing his throat and then averting his eyes because he suddenly felt pressure behind his eyes, and _fuck you jung jaehyun_ because this was not happening right now.

"whoa, hey, hey," jaehyun's alarmed voice says, coming to sit down beside taeyong abruptly, since he saw a single tear drip down taeyong's cheek. "why're you crying?"

taeyong finds it ridiculous how jaehyun even asks.

he's crying because jaehyun's unknowingly toying with his heart and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

and it fucking hurts because taeyong thought he was hopeless, being in love with his straight best friend, all while also being closeted. it didn't get any better when he stepped out of the closet, god, that day was so embarrassing. the last straw was watching jaehyun kiss another boy, how was taeyong supposed to feel? flattered as fuck? because he wasn't. but taeyong knows that if he doesn't get it off his chest, if he doesn't confront jaehyun about his pain, his heartbreak, his whatever the _heck_ he was going through, he'd regret it. because he knows that from now on, all that'll happen is that he'll fall deeper for jaehyun, he'll dig himself a deeper grave, and that was the last thing he needed right now.

he was fine with being rejected, if that meant he could live without carrying one hundred kilos on his shoulder.

he was finenwith being rejected if that meant that him and jaehyun could stay best friends.

he knows there's a lot at stake, but he's fine with being rejected if that means that jaehyun can still stay in his life. somehow, some way.

"i saw you," taeyong says through his tears, watching at jaehyun's face contorts into a confused expression. that's what he expected.

taeyong tries to control himself, this is already embarrassing as it is, he doesn't need to sobbing throughout the whole thing.

"at the party," he continues, and jaehyun doesn't do anything, he just sits and listens, face void of everything as he waits for taeyong to talk. "you were kissing someone." he's a mess, he bets he looks like a mess to, but he can't see himself. he can however, see how jaehyun looks even more confused than he was a few moments ago.

"i... don't know what you're talking about," jaehyun says slowly, as if he was unsure how to word his sentence, as if he didn't want to set taeyong into another fit of hysterical sobbing. which he didn't go be honest.

a small sense of relief washes over taeyong because doesn't this mean that jaehyun was beyond wasted? if he can't remember what taeyong was talking about then he must have been wiped out bad.

in a way, this makes things easier for taeyong because now he knows that jaehyun didn't mean it, and that it was all (or mostly) the alcohol.

but... then jaehyun really was straight, and that little sliver of hope that opened inside of taeyong's mind closed again, because if he was under the influence when he kissed that boy... he didn't mean it.

refusing to think about it any longer, taeyong simply continues with what he was originally going to tell jaehyun.

"last night. you were with someone. in bed, making out. i walked in on accident, and i couldn't help but notice that you were with... a guy..." taeyong's surprised how even he kept his voice throughout the whole thing, and he was nervous to know how jaehyun would react once the realization dawns on him that he kissed a boy.

would he tell taeyong that he didn't know what he was talking about? that taeyong was the one who was talking bullshit? that he was heterosexual in every single way and that taeyong should step out of his homosexual fantasies?

instead, jaehyun just doesn't say anything. he's just staring blankly at taeyong, and it looks like he's thinking. to taeyong, it looks like he's trying to remember kissing a boy last night. it takes a while, and by this time, taeyong has stopped crying, but he's still sniffling.

the elder watches how everything in jaehyun's mind seems to click, how realization dawns over his features, how jaehyun seems to realize that _oh. i kissed a boy. while i was shirtless._

"you saw that?" was his only question to taeyong. this caught the elder off guard, because was that the only thing jaehyun had to say? he finds it interesting how jaehyun doesn't seem phased by the fact that his best friend told him that he was making out with a boy in bed, but more interested in whether or not taeyong had seen that happen.

taeyong is nodding dumbly, quote numbly, and now, _now_ jaehyun seems distressed. after everything, _now_ jaehyun seems panicked.

"don't misunderstand!" he says quickly, and as much as it feels like someone plunged a knife deep into his heart and just _twists_ , taeyong can't say he didn't see it coming. "i'm-"

"straight. heterosexual. into girls. the females. i know," taeyong finishes for him, because he knows. he knows jaehyun isn't into guys and that he likes girls and that he's going get married to a girl and have a family and continue his bloodline and _oh_. taeyong wants that with jaehyun.

"no-" jaehyun says, cutting himself off because he was trying to find better words to convey what he wanted to say. but taeyong couldn't wait for that, because did jaehyun just say ' _no_ '? as in, no, what taeyong said about him and him being heterosexual was _no_? as in, _incorrect_? because if that wasn't what jaehyun was implying, he's a bitch for dragging taeyong along like this.

"i just don't want you to think i actually liked that boy. i can't even remember his name." jaehyun says honestly, and ladies and gentleman, lee taeyong's water dams broke. because jaehyun didn't deny that he didn't like _kissing_ the boy. there were now oodle amounts of tears cascading down his face, because _god fucking dammit jaehyun_.

"what does that even mean?" taeyong asks through all his messy tears, because if jaehyun could get straight to the point and save the melodramatisism that'd be great. "just fucking tell me if you're a pole or a hula hoop!"

jaehyun would've questioned the analogy taeyong had made, but he ignores them for now and focuses on his words.

"it means that i guess guys are cool. i'm not really a pole or a hula hoop. more like a rainbow? depending on how you look at it, it could be straight."

taeyong chokes, literally chokes, and this time it's a oh-my-god-why-are-you-so-straightforward-it's-giving-me-problems choke. or it could also be a wow-your-analogies-make-me-fall-in-love-with-you-more choke. either way, he chokes.

jaehyun starts patting his back, taeyong really is having problems with breathing, and he's assuming it's the lack of oxygen in his brain that makes him blurt out his next few words without thinking.

"let's date. because i like you. and i just found out that you're bisexual, so before anyone else can ask you, i am. let's date."

jaehyun's appalled, _not_ because he's against the idea, but because lee taeyong literally went from sulking to crying to choking to now being confident in the short amount of time jaehyun had been in his room.

but then he registers the words and oh. _oh_.

taeyong wanted to date him.

but now that he looks at him closely... taeyong's kinda cute.

"okay. let's date."


	2. i’m tired (i’ll take you out on a date)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong’s tired but jaehyun likes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i wanted to write a date scene.

it's exhilarating to say at least. 

to be capable of being the cause of a group of people's amazement, to be the cause of people being baffled.

it brings satisfaction to him when he knows that because of him, thousands of people are speechless, completely frozen. 

he doesn't like to brag, but that is what he's capable of. 

it's always been something close to a drug for him, he lives off of the praise he gets from a choreographer, his friends, judges, an audience. 

it gives him a sense of self worth, even if that may not be the most healthiest thing, it gives him the approval he needs to continue to do what he loves. because he's being told that he's capable enough, that he has enough talent, that he worked hard enough, and that alone is enough to fuel him for a really long time. 

in those moments, it doesn't even feel like anyone is watching, which is ridiculous because there are people watching, his eyes are open and he sees them. they're watching his moves, every step, every spin, they're watching everything with calculating eyes, they're breaking down everything that he's doing; it's all very intense. it must simply be the rush dancing has, it simply is the adrenaline he gets from dancing that makes him feel like he's alone, that no, there aren't thousands of eyes on him, no, there aren't judges harshly picking at his performance. there's only taeyong and stage. and that's all he needs. 

it's still nice to feel like no one can tell you anything while you're up on your high, dominating the stage and everything and everyone in the god damn room. it's like everything is under his fingertips, that he has the power to control what everyone in the room does. 

like he can control their reactions, control when they gasp because wow, did he really just do that?

it's an accomplishment to him, to have so many people in the palms of his hands. it's an amazing feeling to know that if he splits his fingers just the tiniest bit, everything could come to end. 

taeyong loves dancing so much. 

the thrill, the rush, the sweat, the practice, the fact that it takes him weeks to learn his own choreography, to perfect every single step. he loves the fact that he can get sick of one of his favourite songs because he decided to choreograph a dance for it and he's listened to the song way too many times and now his ears bleed whenever he listens to so much as a beat of that song and—

taeyong really, really loves dancing. 

maybe as much as he loves jaehyun. 

jaehyun brings him a thrill too.

in a different way of course. 

the thrill jaehyun gives him is a thrill in his heart, on his cheeks because of the blush, all over his skin because every touch jaehyun gives him makes his skin crawl in the good way, in his mind because his mind is so intoxicated with jung jaehyun— 

"babe."

he looks absolutely wrecked, sweaty, disgusting and he's ready to drop. he's been in the familiar studio for the better part of four hours, and he hasn't even had dinner yet. he came straight from the library, where he spent a good two hours doing his homework. in all honesty, he just want to go home. 

but the dimpled smile is enough for him to persevere. 

jaehyun looks so pretty today, taeyong thinks to himself as he takes in the sight of the other boy. truthfully, jaehyun looks beautiful everyday, but today taeyong thought he put in the extra effort. 

he saunters over to the stereo to turn off his music, since it was blaring and taeyong barely heard the 'babe' when jaehyun had called him. 

once the music is off, all that there was to listen to in the studio was taeyong's heavy breathes and jaehyun's footsteps. 

"aigoo~ look at you," jaehyun coos in a stupid voice, which makes taeyong scrunch up his nose in distaste because what the fuck jaehyun? 

jaehyun had a towel with him, taeyong failed at noticing this up until the younger boy had placed the cool towel around his neck. 

knowing that jaehyun didn't have any experience with being with a boy (taeyong didn't either), it was sweet how he always tries to be the best boyfriend he can be. 

he only knew how to be with a girl, that's all he's ever been with. he didn't understand the difference between how a boy should be treated from an girl, but he's learning, and there's always a fierce sense of pride that consumes taeyong as a whole when he realizes that he's jaehyun's first, in all ways, with a boy. 

he shouldn't be getting that giddy, jaehyun was his first anything as well, but as long as he kept his giddiness inside, he assumes he'll be fine. 

"you work yourself to the bone," jaehyun sighs, grabbing the towel around taeyong's neck and simply drying the sweat off of his skin. he moved the towel up to taeyong's fluffy black hair, ruffling it all in ways to try and damped the mop of black. 

taeyong simply stands there, letting jaehyun continue with his ministrations. he'd never admit it, but he quite enjoyed having jaehyun hold him so close like this, have him take care of him like this, have jaehyun kiss his forehead like this— but wait. 

did jaehyun just kiss my forehead?

and now taeyong is blushing because he can see jaehyun's bashful face when the younger pulls away. it's enough to stir up something bubbly in the elder's chest, but he lets it be, and just closes his eyes as jaehyun continues to slightly pat him dry of sweat. 

it's only when his eyelids shut does taeyong even realize how tired he was. he tried to stay awake though, because how embarrassing would it be to fall asleep while standing. he wasn't some next level horse. 

"you should see me before a competition," taeyong mumbles, opening his eyes very slowly to see that wow, when did jaehyun's face get so close to mine?

he blinks his eyes open rapidly in shock, biting back the gasp in his throat because he didn't want thing to become awkward. 

i mean, it was okay to have jaehyun's face so close to his, of course it is. they're boyfriends, and they've been best friends for forever. it's not a big deal. truly. it isn't. 

"in case you've forgotten," jaehyun sighs, putting the towel down on the dance room floor, producing a water bottle out of nowhere, but its probable that taeyong just hadn't noticed it. "i have seen you before a competition. i always think those last few nights before the stage are going to be your last."

the younger boy uncaps the water bottle for taeyong, handing it to him, and the elder rolls his eyes before chugging three quarters of the liquid. 

"thank you," he says softly, shooting jaehyun a smile.

lately, the younger would show up to the dance studio, the library, the laundry mat in the university, wherever taeyong told him he'd be. 

last week jaehyun showed up with two cans of coffee and muffins for the two of them, in the library, and it was nice since they just ate, studied and enjoyed each other's quiet presence. a few days after that, taeyong brought a book to the laundry mat while doing his and yuta's laundry, and he's only twenty minutes in when he sees jaehyun walk in with a shy smile, sits beside him, and reads the book with taeyong. 

it's nice to know that he floats around jaehyun's mind enough that he has to get up and find him, and it's also nice because he likes spending every fleeting moment with jaehyun. who wouldn't? jaehyun's presence as a whole was comforting to taeyong, but knowing that they're in a relationship together added a feeling of cautionnes. perhaps he shouldn't be feeling that way, but at the moment, he couldn't quite think of a way to prevent himself from letting those thoughts enter his head. 

"you need a shower," jaehyun says, scrunching up his nose and giving taeyong a once over. "and deodorant." 

"hm," taeyong simply nods with his eyes closed, too tired to even pay mind to the hidden insult in jaehyun's words. "carry me home." he slurs.

jaehyun's appalled, because apparently, sleepy taeyong is a blunt and needy taeyong. it's not that he minds, per se, it's just that he's not used to taeyong being as blunt as he was being. taeyong's always been shy, anxious to voice his thoughts in fear of what people's reactions would be, but apparently, now he's an open book for jaehyun. 

he didn't mind carrying the elder boy, it wasn't a problem. after all, he was his boyfriend. 

when jaehyun had agreed to go out with taeyong, although it may have not seemed like he genuinely meant it, taeyong was the reason why jaehyun was harbouring between the being straight or being bisexual. he'd never tell the elder that, maybe nine years down the road, but for now, it'll be his secret.

taeyong was swaying now, oh he was so tired. 

jaehyun chuckles, his boyfriend is ridiculous, before looping both arms around taeyong's thin waist, letting the midnight haired man rest his head against his chest. 

taeyong was adorable, jaehyun knows this. 

but he's especially adorable when he's asleep. 

he's noticed it a few times now, taeyong has fallen asleep on more him for then once within the span of the two months that they've been together. the way his breath would even out was something that surprisingly put jaehyun to ease. for some reason, it relaxed his own heart knowing that taeyong was relaxed and at peace. it was cheesy, jaehyun can't even explain it, but it is what it is. another thing about taeyong when he was sleeping was that his lips would always form an adorable pout no matter what. he could be having the happiest dream he's ever had, but his bottom lip would jut out, leaving jaehyun to coo because that's so adorable. there's also the fact that taeyong seem to have developed a habit of holding something when he sleeps because he always sees the elder's hands clutched into the blanket—

but you get the point. 

he can feel it now, how taeyong's hands fist his black t-shirt at the sides, scrunching the material until it was bunched inside his small hands. 

adorable. 

"ty," jaehyun whispers after a good five minutes, after he gets tired of standing and deems it as the appropriate time to take taeyong home to a shower. "wake up." 

but taeyong doesn't wake up, and jaehyun doesn't even know if he's faking it, because another thing he's picked up while being attached to taeyong by the hip for his whole life, was that the elder was an exceptional actor. 

not that he minds of course, but he'd rather speak to taeyong at least while he carries him back to his dorm. 

but that didn't seem like it was happening, so jaehyun settles on somehow manoeuvring taeyong onto his back gently, so that he doesn't startle the elder. he feels taeyong's jaw dig into his shoulder, but he doesn't mind. as long as taeyong's comfortable, jaehyun truly didn't mind anything. 

but there was a problem. 

taeyong brought his school bag with him. 

now jaehyun may be smart, but he wasn't seeing a way where he could carry both taeyong and his backpack. 

now what?

"the things you make me do," he whispers more to himself than anyone. 

he sets taeyong down onto the bench near the cubbies near the entrance of the dance studio, keeping a hand on his shoulder so that he wasn't leaning into nothing. after taking a few minutes to admire how stunning taeyong looked in the moment, he gently weaves the elder's arms through the straps of his backpack, making sure it was on his shoulders before hoisting him onto his back again. 

taeyong was light, there was no problem there. but his backpack added an extra weight which made the journey to the dorm just a bit more difficult. not that he minded, at all. 

it's only eight minutes later that he finds himself knocking on yuta and taeyong's dorm room, praying in his head that yuta was home and that he didn't have to fish for taeyong's keys— wherever they were. 

thankfully, the japanese male opens the doors only twenty seconds later, eyes widening once he noticed taeyong on jaehyun's back. he opens his mouth to question why taeyong wasn't able to walk home on his own, but jaehyun talks before he can.

"exhausted. i found him in the studio," he quickly explain, and yuta opens his mouth in an 'o' shape, comprehending now. he moves out of the doorway then closes and locks the door when jaehyun is making his way to his and taeyong's bedroom. 

once inside, and away from yuta, the younger boy gently puts taeyong down in a sitting position again, taking off his backpack for him and then tucking him into the covers. 

it would've been better if jaehyun had sent him off to shower, but he's now only realizing that when taeyong seems snug inside the blanket, so he doesn't have the heart to wake him up now. 

but it seems like even when he's asleep, taeyong knows where his priorities are because it's only fifteen minutes later when he's waking up, groaning and catching the attention of jaehyun. 

"i feel gross," taeyong mumbles, sitting up and rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. his bones felt heavy and he wanted to sleep, but he felt disgusting and he'd rather go to sleep clean than dirty. 

"you're caked in dry sweat," jaehyun chuckles, turning around from where he was sitting at taeyong's desk. "you should." 

the elder boy grumbles, because jaehyun's always right, isn't he?

"thanks for carrying me home," he thanks, shooting a really lazy smile at the younger. all he wants to do is shower, maybe eat a bit, and then sleep. but he couldn't even find enough energy to haul himself out of bed to do even one of those things. 

it was remarkable how tired he was today, because normally he's able to persevere. most says he's not tempted to fall flat on his face, most days he can whip up a meal for yuta, sicheng and jaehyun since the latter two hang around them so often. 

but today it was incredible how his limbs felt like lead and how the mere thought of cooking sent shudders through his body because no, he'd rather not. 

now fingers were snapping in front of his face, so he opens his eyes at the sound and the tips of the fingers are calloused so they belong to jaehyun and—

"you're so out of it today. how much sleep did you get?" the younger boy ask him, not even bothering to hide the concern that was in his tone. 

endearing, taeyong thinks, since in all ways, jaehyun is hella endearing. everything about the man is attractive and taeyong could write you more than one thesis explaining why he's so charmed by jung jaehyun. 

taeyong smiles stupidly, because tired taeyong is a doesn't-know-what-he's-doing taeyong. he's not always like this, but jaehyun gets a kick off of seeing taeyong loopy sometimes. 

"five hours." he replies, stretching his arms in order to try and wake himself up more. "five, measly, filled with yuta snoring, hours." jaehyun snorts, of course yuta was snoring. the japanese male is always blaming taeyong because he wakes up in the middle of the night because of his snores, when in reality, he doesn't know how ground shaking his own snores are. 

"take a shower," jaehyun sighs, deciding that a shower should wake the elder male up. "shower and then let's get some dinner. you don't seem to be able to cook." he knows taeyong hasn't eaten anything after finishing his friday classes. 

taeyong nods his head, because yes, he wasn't in the place to cook, he didn't want to cook, and bless jaehyun's heart for piecing that together. it's simple for jaehyun, to read taeyong. he used to be able to do it quite clearly, but now it's easier. it might be the extra time they spend with each other. 

"okay," taeyong nods, sighing out and reluctantly peeling the comfortable blanket off his body. "i'll take a shower." 

taeyong gets up and heads to his dresser, picking out some comfortable yet presentable clothes. jaehyun said they'd go out to eat, so he might as well. 

"twenty minutes," he mumbles, before he's inside the bathroom. 

jaehyun rolls his eyes, because taeyong takes the longest showers known to man. usually they range from forty five minutes to an hour, which jaehyun always scolds him for because it's a waste of water. even now, taeyong's definition of a short shower is twenty minutes. 

but i guess you can't blame him for wanting to soak under the hot water spray for such a long time, he dances almost everyday and his muscles are sore and screaming at him by the time he calls it quits. sometimes taeyong likes to think that if his muscles had the choice to leave his body, they would have by now.

a knock sounds from the bedroom door, and jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in confusion because why doesn't yuta just walk in?

"come in?" he says, tone coming out as questioning because why is yuta even knocking? "why are you knocking?" he asks once the other is inside the bedroom, sitting on his bed. he's man spreading, facing jaehyun with his intent eyes. the brown orbs are completely boring into jaehyun's skin, and he'd feel uncomfortable if it were anyone else, but it's yuta, and jaehyun's known yuta for ages. 

the older male's eyes don't leave jaehyun for a long time, and jaehyun doesn't even know what to say to break break the awkwardness or break the trance yuta seems to be in. he admits that his face is high on the visual standards, but it's not often someone blatantly ogles you the way nakamoto yuta does. 

"bro," yuta suddenly says, eyes not moving but voice sounding like he's not staring. "bro we need to talk." 

and suddenly jaehyun feels uneasy because what does yuta want to talk about? 

it's not like he's guilty of anything, jaehyun is nothing but honest wth his friends, but what does yuta want to talk about? they don't share any classes, their majors are different and he can't remember the last time he's had a disagreement with the elder. 

"about what?" he asks, shifting a bit until he was also comfortable sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the japanese male. 

"forgive me," yuta starts, clearing his throat right after, fixing his posture and then looking back at jaehyun like he was some damn professionals speaker, which he wasn't so what the fuck yuta? "because it's already been two months, and i should've had this talk with you then."

jaehyun snorts, he's sorry, but what else was he supposed to do? what the hell was yuta even going on about? 

"about what? the birds and bees?" jaehyun asks, and yuta scowls before throwing his pillow at the younger, who easily dodges it. jaehyun's howling with laughter at this point. 

"no!" yuta declines, rolling his eyes because really jaehyun? really? "it's about ty."

jaehyun slowly stops laughing, instead looking at yuta curiously.

to jaehyun, there wasn't really anything to talk about. i mean, jaehyun and yuta were taeyong's best friends, closest to him and they know virtually everything about the older boy. there couldn't be something yuta knew that jaehyun didn't, because taeyong always tell jaehyun things first, no matter what it may be. jaehyun doesn't mean to get ahead of himself, but that's just how it is. 

"what?" the younger male asks, curious. there truly wasn't anything that popped into mind when yuta said taeyong's name, except for the fact that he was in the shower right now. 

yuta clears his throat, and the worst part, the part that makes jaehyun nervous, is that yuta looks completely serious.

jaehyun doesn't even remember the last time yuta was serious. heck, was yuta ever serious? 

not mocking, because yuta was capable of taking mature topics and scenarios seriously, but it wasn't normal to see him so stiff and proper on an ordinary day. jaehyun could only assume that something bad happened, those are the only times the japanese male seems stoic. 

"your intentions have to be positive," he starts, and it feels like the air is knocked out of jaehyun because fuck you nakamoto yuta. you almost gave me a heart attack. 

jaehyun was ready to swing at yuta, there was no reason for him to get so riled up over the obvious, of course jaehyun's intentions with taeyong are positive! 

jaehyun can't imagine doing something negative to a significant other, let alone his significant other, let alone lee taeyong, his best friend. 

"yuta!" jaehyun scowls. "you made me nervous!" 

yuta shrugs, stays calm, monotone even, as he looks around the room for a few seconds and brushes his hair out of his eyes. 

"they're important questions." 

and jaehyun's not saying that they aren't, because they are important questions. but shouldn't yuta know that he wouldn't do anything to taeyong? they've all been close since high school, yuta shouldn't have to think that way. 

"don't you trust me?" the younger asks, failing at hiding the accusation in his tone. 

yuta winces because he realizes what he might've implied with where he was taking this. he didn't want jaehyun to think that he didn't trust him. of course he did. taeyong, a practical person, basically trusts jaehyun with his life. so of course yuta trusts jaehyun too. 

"sorry sorry," yuta says, smiling regretfully and shaking his hands in a scratch that idea kind of way. "i do trust you. that's not what i meant." 

jaehyun nods, he understands. he can semi see where yuta is coming from. 

yuta is just a concerned best friend. he'd be the same way if taeyong suddenly sauntered in with a boyfriend (god forbid).

"i get it," jaehyun says. "but you and i both know there's nothing to worry about." 

"sorry about that," yuta apologizes again, nodding to agree with jaehyun's words. 

"don't worry about it."

just then, the two boys hear the click of the bathroom lock, which means taeyong's done with his shower. 

there's a small towel around taeyong's neck, and he's wearing joggers with a red hoodie. he looks ethereal, and still, tired. 

"i might head to sicheng's," yuta announces to the two people in the room, getting up from his bed and stretching. "have fun you two." 

"bye," jaehyun waves. 

"bye yuta," taeyong mumbles, and then yuta's out the door, leaving the couple alone. 

"i was thinking burgers," jaehyun tells taeyong, who's flopped down next to him. 

his hair was still wet, but he also still had the towel around his neck. he leans his head against jaehyun's shoulder, and the latter would've complained about how now this one part of his sleeve would be damp, but doesn't and just relaxes himself for taeyong, who's curling into him every passing minute. 

"i like burgers," he agrees, nodding and closing his eyes again. 

"ty," jaehyun sighs, angling his head slightly so he could look at taeyong's face. "if you're too tired, we can stay home and order a pizza."

suddenly, as if he's regained all his energy, taeyong is rapidly shaking his head no. jaehyun's eyebrows furrow at this, because there mustn't be anything too wrong with ordering in, right? 

"burgers jaehyunnie," he protests cutely, leaning off of the younger's shoulder and patting his face to make himself more awake. "'m not tired." 

taeyong's so cute. 

his eyes were droopy and he's a really bad actor when he's tired because he can't fool jaehyun. 

if the younger were to take taeyong outside, he'd fall asleep on his face, or in his dinner. 

"taeyong hyung-"

"let's go!" taeyong encourages, jumping up and also pulling jaehyun up by his hand. the elder had on his brightest smile, dragging jaehyun across the room to the door and jaehyun can't possibly deny his boyfriend of the burgers now; he looked ridiculously happy and jaehyun would hate to be someone to take that smile away. 

that was another thing lee taeyong was good at. 

smiling his way into jaehyun's heart, making the latter want to keep him there and never let him go. 

"slow down," jaehyun chuckles, and taeyong complies before smiling sheepishly one more time. he slips on his shoes and jaehyun does the same. once they're both out the dorm, taeyong locks the door and jaehyun slips his hand into the elder's keeping him close.

because that's where jaehyun loves him. 

close.

"there's a price to pay," the younger male starts, shooting taeyong a teasing smile. 

"what?" taeyong asks. 

"we're taking your car." 

"alright."

jaehyun doesn't even have a car, taeyong's used to being asked if they can use his. and there's no problem with it, he doesn't mind. it's not a big deal when jaehyun ends up feeling guilty for using taeyong's gas as the end, the younger always gives taeyong gas money. 

jaehyun can drive, which most people wouldn't piece together, considering how he doesn't have a car. but it doesn't matter, jaehyun drives taeyong's car, taeyong gets free lifts around town and campus, so it's all good. 

he tosses jaehyun his keys, and the two of them walk to his car and silently get in. 

every time they set foot into his car together, taeyong is reminded of all the midnight drives he and jaehyun have embarked on. 

honestly, most of them were when they were still in high school, when it was only taeyong who had his license and would listen to jaehyun sob his heart out over salty mcdonald's fries, crying about how he broke up with his girlfriend. taeyong would always quietly listen, trying to ignore how his heart would twist uncomfortably all those years ago. 

they've only been on one late night drive during their time together, as a couple. it was actually two weeks ago, not that long ago. taeyong had been sitting in the passenger seat this time, feeding jaehyun poutine while he was driving. they talked about everything and anything that night. a lot of confessions were made, many 'i loves you's were exchanged. they even stopped driving in an empty parking lot somewhere and lazily made out in the back seat. 

that night felt like a poorly written nineties rom com. 

but they still enjoyed it. the both of them, because they're both dorks. stupid dorks. stupid dorks in love. 

but tonight was different, because they weren't heading out at twelve in the morning, but instead it was only 7:30 pm, and the only thing both of them wanted was food. 

"i'm hungry," taeyong huffs seven minutes into their drive. "and you should be too." 

jaehyun snorts, reaching his right hand over the console to blindly search for taeyong's hand. he finds it quickly, and the elder takes it upon himself to lace their fingers together. 

"i am," jaehyun hums, turning to the left and soon enough, there's a diner like restaurant in view. it has neon lights and a retro vibe and taeyong's not surprised jaehyun knows about a place like this. he really likes these kinds of things, they both did actually. jaehyun's always has a knack for the 'good old days'. 

"we're here." he announces, smiling softly at taeyong before taking the car keys out, and stepping out. taeyong reciprocates, and the two of them walk into the diner with growling stomachs. 

it's not empty inside. even if it was a diner off campus, there were still a lot of people from their university. taeyong recognizes a few off the bat, like literature major lee jeno, and sociology major huang renjun. jaehyun catches a few people he knows as well. film major na jaemin and biochem major lee minhyung. 

a waiter takes them over to a booth, which is acceptably in a somewhat quiet corner. neither jaehyun nor taeyong were very social, they were just known well. 

he hands them both their menues, gives a name; his name is jisung, and then he's off to tend to more tables and peoples. 

"what would you like?" jaehyun asks after they have been scanning the menu for a few quiet minutes. 

"anything. i'm hungry," taeyong sighs, his lips unconsciously forming a pout at the end of his sentence. jaehyun think it's cute, but then again, jaehyun thinks everything taeyong does is cute. actually, taeyong as a whole was just cute. 

the waiter comes back a few minutes later, jotting down whatever orders jaehyun told him on his palm sized notepad, with a pen that's ink is running out. 

once he leaves for the second time, jaehyun turns to taeyong, who was laying his head in his arms, staring at jaehyun. 

"i haven't been out alone with you in a while," he points out. he reaches forward and brushes some hair out of taeyong's face, tucking some behind his ear as well. taeyong closes his eyes at the feeling, he feeling of having jaehyuns slightly calloused fingers gently brush his ear and tame his hair. 

"you haven't," taeyong murmurs, shaking his head because it's true; they haven't been out alone, or on a date, in quite a long time. 

they're students too, which always eats up most of their free time. other times they're just plain lazy, because why have to put on jeans and such to go outside when you can just keep on your sweats and order takeout? 

although they both admit, that sometimes going out to bowling alleys, new restaurants or the ice cream place across campus is better than staying at home. 

"sorry about that," jaehyun apologizes, smiling sadly at the elder male. taeyong simple smiles softly, shaking his head.

"doesn't matter. i don't need to go on dates to enjoy being with you." 

taeyong sits up properly now, leaning back against the booth. jaehyun takes the words to heart, which is beating a million miles too fast, and all he could do was shoot a sweet smile to the elder, since he was too flustered to give any other reply. 

"yong," jaehyun whispers with a mischievous smile on his lips. the elder quirks his eyebrows up, because what was jaehyun up to now? 

the younger face was starting to come closer to his, which makes taeyong inch back into the booth, out of habit and because jaehyun's face was already appealing from afar, just how close could he have his face without losing it? 

jaehyun chuckles again, and taeyong is really curious towards why. 

"you're cute babe," he laughs, pecking the elder's nose before pulling away, smirking to himself at the wide eyes that his boyfriend was sporting. he looked like a deer, but a prettier one. 

"s-shut up jaehyun." 

 

:

 

"i can't move!" taeyong complains, slouching in his seat. his belly was swollen from how much he ate, he was surprised that he even finished eating that much. he was also amazed by how he didn't fall asleep in his fries, he guesses the food energized him enough to stay awake. 

"same," jaehyun groans, slouching down beside taeyong. 

they both ate enough for four people, it was ridiculous how long they put their hunger at rest for. even jaehyun was surprised with how much taeyong had ate, he usually eats moderately, keeping his thin frame. but jaehyun's never seen taeyong est as much as he had today. 

he steals at a glance at taeyong and realizes that his eyes are drooping again, and honestly, jaehyun doesn't know how he hasn't seen this coming, because whenever taeyong eats, he always gets sleepy after. 

it was kind of nice, always being able to have a cuddle session with taeyong when they were done having a meal together. the elder would always wake up talking about how unhealthy their habits were. obviously, they didn't change their habits. 

"i'll pay, then i'll get you home," jaehyun assures, tenderly kissing taeyong's cheek. taeyong blushes before shaking his head. 

"let's split. you already owe me gas." he points out. jaehyun sighs, since there's no way around taeyong's logic. 

once they've paid the bill and settled into their seats in the car, they sit in silence. 

jaehyun sighs, which draws taeyong's sleepy attention to him. 

"we're alone now," the younger whispers, leaning closer to taeyong. he finds it funny how his eyes widen and how he suddenly seems awake and alert. 

"j-jung jaehyun... get your head out of the gutter," taeyong stutters, refusing to look anywhere but jaehyun's really attractive face. his cheeks feel warm, he knows that he's starting to blush madly. 

he hears jaehyun tsk, but he's still not looking at him. 

"lee taeyong," the younger tsks, bringing an hand up and cupping the elder's jaw. "what are you thinking? get your head out of the gutter." 

and then jaehyun leans in pressing his lips firmly against the elder's. 

it's intoxicating, and it's only one kiss. but the way jaehyun's lips were cold and tasted like coffee from the milkshake he had was addicting for taeyong. he let himself fall pilant under jaehyun's hands and mouth, letting the younger slowly poke his tongue into his mouth. 

by now, both of jaehyun's large hands were cupping taeyong's cheeks, and the elder didn't know what to do with his except for latching them onto jaehyun's wrists. 

the younger male is practically bent in half over the console, and taeyong could only imagine how uncomfortable that must be. 

so taeyong would've pulled away to make sure jaehyun was in a more comfortable position, if it weren't for how the latter started to nibble on his bottom lip, which made him shake everywhere because jaehyun knows all his weaknesses and it's not even fair—

"j-jaehyunnie," taeyong mumbles, weakly pulling away from jaehyun's drug of a pair of lips. his lips were red and swollen, and they shined with saliva. to jaehyun, they looked prettier than usual because of the shabby lighting the parking lot gave them. "your back." he points out. 

jaehyun rolls his eyes before chuckling, leaning in and pecking taeyong three more times. 

"yuta's not home," taeyong suddenly blurts, panting while asking himself why he even said that in the first place. it didn't matter if yuta was home or not goddamnit. 

jaehyun on the other hand, he seems to have taken the words out of context, like he usually does.

"oh?" he asks smugly, smirk decorating his tempting lips while he wiggles his eyebrows. "why?" 

taeyong's blushing, because really, why? it's not even like he disclosed the information with the intention to do anything scandalous at home, it was an innocent phrase. 

curse jaehyun for always having impure thoughts linger around in his head. 

"i-i'm just saying! you could spend the night if you want!" taeyong explain in a flustered manner, which doesn't make what he said any better, he realizes right after he said it. 

"lee taeyong," jaehyun cackles, since this scenario is just oh so funny. "what are your intentions?" 

taeyong's blushing, madly, he wants to shut jaehyun up, but instead he settles on huffing in his seat, crossing his arms and staring directly outside. he didn't have time or energy for this. 

"drive," he grumbles, trying to ignore how jaehyun is still cackling. it would've been easier to ignore if jaehyun didn't have the most attractive laugh out there. 

well, it's just kind of hard for taeyong ignore jaehyun in general. i mean, his presence was just so loud and so out there. it seems like a chore to try and disregard the aura of your significant other, but taeyong's pretty sure the average person would also have difficulty with trying to ignore jung jaehyun as well. 

especially when he drives. 

because jaehyun does that attractive thing that he sees instagram girls post on their aesthetic accounts, the ones of their boyfriends driving. where they have one hand on the wheel and the other holding their hand. the boyfriends in those pictures always have accentuated jawlines and jaehyun just so happens to as well. basically, jung jaehyun could pass off as one of those instagram boyfriends. 

actually, now that he thinks about it, taeyong could make his instagram aesthetic with a feed of black, grey and dark blue and then he can post pictures of jaehyun driving and wow, it'd be so cute—

"we're here."

the younger's deep voice breaks taeyong out of his thoughts, and he looks around and outside the dark window, and oh, when did we get home? 

jaehyun takes out his wallet and slips thirty dollars into the console when taeyong's not looking before exiting the car as well. he tosses the elder his keys and the two of them walk back to yuta and taeyong's dorm with their hands intertwined. 

once they're inside and their shoes are toed off, taeyong flops come onto the couch. 

"you've been tired all day," jaehyun points out, vocalizing the words taeyong didn't have to say. 

"i know right," the elder chuckles, sighing and sitting up once again. "let's go to bed." he hums. 

"it's 9:30 pm," jaehyun states with a raised eyebrow, because taeyong normally doesn't sleep until 11:00 pm. 

"and i'm sleepy. your point?" 

jaehyun doesn't even know why he tries sometimes. taeyong's always like this, and sometimes jaehyun asks himself why he isn't used to it by now. after being friends all their lives and lovers for a while, you'd think some things about taeyong were just be drilled into his mind. but nope. 

they take turns in the bathroom, changing into their comfortable clothes. jaehyun has a part of taeyong's drawer which is filled with his clothes, since jaehyun comes over often. he usually has the intention to spend the night when he shows up at midnight anyways. 

taeyong's bed was small, it was bought with the assumption that one person would sleep in it, and jaehyun likes the use the small structure of the bed to his advantage, always making taeyong lay on him. he claims that it was because 'there was no space', but taeyong knows jaehyun's true intentions. 

"stop whining, there's no space," jaehyun says for what might've been the hundredth time. taeyong rolls his eyes, tsks, because who does jaehyun think he is, before shutting up and laying his head on the younger broad chest. 

"you're so stupid." taeyong slurs, feeling his tiredness get to him. he shifts around until his arms are cooled around jaehyun's middle. 

"thanks," he says dryly, sighing before nuzzling his nose into the soft black hair of his boyfriend. "i think your sleepiness rubbed off on me. now i'm tired."

taeyong hums, already half asleep, before numbing out incoherent words. 

"wow, sucks." 

jaehyun scoffs, he doesn't think taeyong heard, since the elder's breaths are now more even and his feels fingers curl around the back of his shirt. for extra measure, jaehyun tilts his head to look at taeyong's lips, and for sure, they were pulled into a pout. 

jaehyun laughs, for taeyong really must've been tired, before gently kissing the elder's forehead. 

"goodnight taeyong."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you


End file.
